the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
