The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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