Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
