I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
