I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
