im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
