i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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