the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
