you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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