i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
