wanna go halves on a baby?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
