I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
