her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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