The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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