kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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