every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am naked and annoyed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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