I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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