I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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