Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
