dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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