he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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