fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will be naked everywhere
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
