you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
