Jerry, you need to find god
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
