in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
