Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
