there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
