Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
