The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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