Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
