It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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