i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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