Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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