A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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