I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
