I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
