You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We're too hungover to prance.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
