you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
