You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
