Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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