Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
