my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love having hate sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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