My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
