You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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