I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
