I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
