i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
