just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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