And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize