mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
