He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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