They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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