While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
