You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
