Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
