she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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