What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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