I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
