He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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