Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
