Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
