Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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