I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
