ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
