i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
