I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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