Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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