Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
