Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
